Misery

It's official. I am now vomiting more than I am eating. I can barely hold down water before 6pm. It wasn't this bad with Sarah. I am going to go stay with my mom for 2 weeks and hope that's enough time for it to pass. My child has become feral and lives off anything she can reach from the refrigerator, so I figure she could use a visit to Grandma's as much as I can. I'm hoping it's twins so I don't have to do this again. I'm not sure why this pregnancy is so tough. It could be my weight or my advancing years. Either way, I'm determined to be in much better shape before I decide to get pregnant again.

Still haven't done my pregnancy workout video. But I have lost 10 pounds. Most of which is probably due to atrophy. I can really feel the loss of muscle tone in my back so I'm looking forward to being able to exercise. I might try just some simple yoga to strengthen my core so when my belly starts protruding my back won't kill me. I'm not just nauseated anymore, I've actually started throwing up, so that's always fun. We're having the missionaries over for dinner tonight. Wish me luck being able to clean the house and make dinner without throwing up 50 more times!

Update

I have not done my pregnancy workout video still. I've been too sick to even exercise. Good news is that I've been feeling to sick to eat much so I'm not gaining any weight. In fact, I am pretty sure I've lost a few pounds. Of course, that could be from atrophy as I've been mostly just sitting around for like 3 weeks. And I started spotting yesterday, which I did with Sarah, but just in case, I'm taking it kind of easy right now. ANBO- I don't know what you're doing because you haven't been posting anything (hint hint) but you look fantastic in your new Facebook profile pic.

Exercise!

I am officially pregnant. My missed period was supposed to start September 16th. Morning sickness has kicked in already, even though it's really afternoon-bedtime sickness. I have found out something that will be a great motivator, though. I feel better on days that I exercise! I hardly get sick at all on days when I'm able to walk. Today was a sit through church day, so I'm feeling pretty horrid at this point. Tyler let me order a pregnancy workout DVD and it just got here yesterday. I am excited to try it out. It will be something I can use here in our home while Sarah's sleeping or while it's snowing or raining. It got really good reviews. I'm going to just watch it today, it being the Sabbath, and I'll try it out tomorrow and let everyone know how it goes.

Breakthrough

I have been doing well lately. It's not so much that my diet has changed, but that I'm eating less food less often. I feel like I was lead to a book description on Amazon that has changed everything. I don't even remember what the book was called, but the theory was that certain people need to feel safe in order to lose weight. It has to do with whether you're programmed with the fight or flight response to stress. I didn't understand it completely, but it lead me to think about feeling safe and losing weight. Something in my brain was telling me that I wasn't safe and to protect myself I needed to provide padding. It seemed a lot like the description in Feelings Buried Alive Never Die under feelings we have that make us fat. I've been doing the script in Feelings Buried Alive for feeling unsafe and I can't believe the difference it's made. I was starting to fear I would never be able to get my eating under control. I just HAD to eat. Since I've been doing this, I hardly snack between meals, I listen to my body when it feels sated, I don't eat 3 or 4 servings of dinner just because it tastes good with no regard to the sick feeling that comes. I am amazed at the difference this small thing makes. I want to start the He Did Deliver Me From Bondage program again. I think you have to be at a certain point before it can be effective and I wasn't at that point yet. I'm feeling optimistic about weight loss for the first time in a LONG time and it's really exciting!

Diet Over

I tried this for 1-1/2 days and could not do it. Why? It made me so tired I couldn't get anything done. Yesterday I was completely wiped out and useless by 2:30 and today I was useless all day. I don't know why this is, but this afternoon I finally decided I couldn't do it anymore and ate a little piece (our bishop's wife made the bread and it was a tiny loaf) of bread with some egg salad on it and a handful of Cheez-its. About an hour later I had so much more energy I was able to clean up the kitchen and actually make dinner, which I had despaired of earlier in the day. Mom said it gave her more energy, but I weigh a lot more than mom and so burn a lot more calories doing everyday tasks. When I did the Body Bugg it told me I should be eating 2200 calories a day. That's a lot. I just need to be burning 3200 a day in order to lose weight. I think I'm going to do what Niesa did and stop eating fried foods, eat 3 servings of fruit/vegetables a day, and exercise. I have to do something because, like I said, I REALLY don't want to get huge(r) and fat(ter) for this pregnancy.

Blah Blah Blah

I am trying this diet kick start plan my mom gave me. It's for heart patients who need surgery but are too overweight to undergo the procedure. It's based on chemical breakdown and you're only on it 3 days out of 7. This is not permanent, and as we're currently trying to have a baby I can't eat the tuna as ordered because as a pregnant person (which I may or may not be) I can only eat 6 oz. of tuna a week. A cup and a half is much more that 6 oz. and that is what you're supposed to eat. So, who knows if this will even work. Maybe I'll just adapt it to what I need. In the What to Expect When You're Expecting book it says you should NEVER try to lose weight while you're pregnant. But I'm pretty sure Ali's doctor told her to lose weight while she was pregnant with Adison. Maybe they say that so people who are only carrying an extra 15-50 pounds won't go diet crazy while they're pregnant. My point is, you're supposed to get 1800 nutrient rich calories everyday while you're pregnant. If I eat that I'll have to lose weight because my current daily calorie intake is probably at least 2 or 3 times that. They don't encourage you to diet because babies can't live off your fat store. All that offers is calories and babies need nutrients. I'm rambling now. Please advise. I don't want to gain another 50 pounds for this pregnancy, but the least amount they tell you to gain is 15 pounds. I hope somehow I will be able to be healthy through this pregnancy.

Bubonic Plague

I am afraid I won't be doing much for now as I am dying of the plague. It's really unfortunate. I was looking forward to getting going on this weight loss thing now that we're (pretty much) settled. I have some kind of bug, I'm guessing a particularly nasty strain of flu that makes my throat feel as if I'm gargling broken shards of glass every time I swallow and making my body feel like I've somehow managed to overdo a workout that involved even my hair and my eyelids. I alternate between burning up and freezing and am beginning to wish for death. I will post again with any updates. I'm going on 36 hours, (it feels like 30 days) so I hope it will pass soon and all will be well. However, if I do die, I want you all to know how much I love and appreciate you!

First Post from Akron

Yay! We finally have internet and I can begin posting again! I have lost some weight while here, not because I'm trying but because we've been so busy! Plus, we have stairs. I'm surprised at the difference this makes. When we first got here I trudged up the stairs slowly, but now I can dash up rather spryly! I don't breathe as hard afterward, either. I plan to start doing He Did Deliver Me From Bondage on Monday. I'm glad to hear everyone else is doing so well. That's awesome about the soda, Anbo! I'm starting to get pretty sick of my big fat body and can't wait to see some measurable results.

Brrrrrrreeeee! Half time! Buh doo doo doo doo doo doo

Well, I'm sad to say I'll be taking a brief sabbatical as we move. My books are all packed up and tomorrow will be on their way to Akron. Meanwhile, after unpacking tomorrow I'll be back in Pueblo staying with Mom and Dad until our house here receives needed repairs. Maybe I'll remember to grab my books, maybe I won't. Just don't plan on me posting for a few days.

Poisonous Serpents

I was reading in Ether (my favorite book in the Book of Mormon) about a plague of poisonous serpents the Lord set upon the people in a time of wickedness. Then successions and histories are given and a few chapters later, representing decades of time, a brief description is given of the snakes finally being driven from the land and that area being open for the people to hunt and gather food. I thought about how often we turn to our Heavenly Father and want our poisonous serpents to be immediately banished. The truth is, sin has consequence. Sometimes that consequence lingers through several weeks, months, or even years of consistently trying to be faithful before it is banished and we are able to gain access to blessings we have been waiting to enjoy. We cannot instantly have the Spirit, the Comforter, with us when we have not been putting ourselves in his power. We cannot instantly have our spirits lifted when we have been wallowing in worldliness and carnal-mindedness. I was reminded of this tonight when I tried to write a talk I'm giving tomorrow in church after watching a rated R film about a Satanic serial killer. Just because I was turning my mind toward spiritual things did not mean that the lingering yucky feeling did not interfere with my ability to gain guidance from the Spirit. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is not a quick fix. I'm to the point with my weight that I am not looking for a quick fix. I have tried several of those and it has not done anything for me but keep me slowly climbing the scale. I am in this for the long haul, whether my poisonous snakes keep hanging on or not. I know that if I remain faithful, they will eventually be banished and those promised blessings will be kept from me no longer.

Sorry

I haven't posted again this week because we had Sarah's birthday party today. I've been running around trying to get ready for it. Ashy and I made an awesome cake! The point is, I'll be posting again now that I have a little more time. I've done two exercises this week and I plan on doing two more tonight if I can. I came across something cool in my scripture study this week. I'll share in my next post. Thanks for being patient with me while I took care of Sarah's party. Oh, and before anyone asks, Yes, Sarah's birthday is in August. I didn't have a big party for her 1st birthday b/c she would be too young to enjoy it. This year I was going to have an actual party but I found out we were moving and Sarah may or may not have any friends with which to have a party. Thus we had it a month early. The End.

P1D1

Last night the exercise talked about carnal-mindedness vs. spiritual-mindedness. As I wrote earlier, I've done this exercise a few times, so I tried to look at it a different way. Instead of thinking about a carnal solution, I thought about carnal reasons for wanting a solution. Why do I want to lose weight? Is it so the world will approve of me? Or is it to restore the sanctity of my body, to show gratitude for the wonderful gift it is and to be more obedient to the principles of the gospel?
That was just my little comment for Principle One, Day One. PLEASE, someone else post something. Anything. I don't care! Just let me know I'm not alone.

One More Time with Feeling

Okay, I'm guessing no one did all the exercises for Principle One. I know I didn't. What can we do to make this happen? Should we post our exercises on our blogs? Maybe just a few thoughts from each day's exercise? I want this to work. I need this, and I'm sure we all could use it. I'm going to sit down right now and do the first exercise from Principle One. Right after I post a list I told Kyla I'd post.

"No matter how entrenched an addiction may seem, it can be made to vanish before the spiritual power within you." - Deepak Chopra

1. Did you get the right amount of sleep last night?
2. Did you start your day with nurturing activities that strengthened you in body and in spirit?
3. Did you find real pleasure in your work?
4. If you felt angry at someone or something, were you able to express this in a constructive way?
5. Were you able to experience nature today with awareness and appreciation?
6. Did you find time for enjoyable activities or exercise?
7. Were you able to spend some quiet time by yourself?
8. Did you laugh with real pleasure today?
9. If you felt tired or under stress, were you able to rest for a while?
10. Did you take your meals in pleasant surroundings, with company you enjoyed?
11. Did you show love today to friends and family members?
12. Did you freely and joyfully receive their love in return?

These were listed as Dr. Chopra's 12 Steps to Overcoming Addictions in his book, Overcoming Addictions, if you can believe it.

And to get us started, here are some thoughts I had the first time I did Principle One.

"As President Benson said about taking the slums out of the people - if I seek the Lord to solve the underlying spiritual illness, of which being overweight is a symptom, the outward change will follow. Permanent change is affected from the inside out, and our very inside is our relationship with our Heavenly Father and our Savior. If we spend all our time working on a physical solution, it will die with our bodies. If we implement a spiritual solution, it will rise with us to the next life and continue to develop there, eternally."

I love you guys and hope this can help get us all started.

83rd Time's the Charm

I am having a really hard time wanting to do these exercises because I've done them like 4 times in the last 6 months or so. I have done the first and second principles A LOT. I am going to really sit down and do them all tonight, though, so I hope everyone is at least trying. AND the first principle is hard for me. I always think, "Yes, I am worthless trash. I know. Do I really have to go through this yet again?" Maybe that's why I do have to do it yet again. I have the feeling they want you to feel some sense of relief at knowing you're an ineffectual clod of dirt. The relief somehow escapes me. Is anyone else having a hard time? We're here to support one another. Don't stay silent if you're struggling.

Where are we?

Just a quick check on progress. Has everyone been prepping? Kyla - are you getting all your books read so you can start in earnest on the 29th? I've been reading my scriptures and saying my prayers in preparation for beginning the program. I've been figuring out what I want to do to lose weight. Anyway, I just wanted to know if everyone was gearing up for the real fight! Let's get pumped! Yeah! Whooooo! Okay, enough of that. Just let me know.

How are things?

What is the situation with books? Does everyone have one? Has anyone started the pre-reading? I think I might just set a date that I'm going to start. It is now official and Tyler has the job in Yuma, CO. He was approved by the school board and went up yesterday to meet the rest of the music program staff. This means we have to be up there by August. July will be an incredibly hectic time for us, but I would like to set the start date for the He Did Deliver Me from Bondage Program as June 29. I'm doing this on purpose so that if I can do it during July, everyone else can, too. That means NO EXCUSES! Kyla! We need to be accountable for having our assignments done by a certain time or else this won't work. I don't care if you skip one and have to double up the next night. We need to have them done so we can share insights. The insights we gain when we do and discuss the assignments are what will help up overcome our addictions. Is everyone with me? Please say yes.

CRAP!

Well, apparently I can't live with it for even one day. I did okay until I went to mom's and ate 2 oz. of cajun trail mix. Then I ate dinner of posse stew, but only one small ladle-full. But then I started watching Diners, Drive-ins and Dives on Food Network. I swear it's like my pornography. I had a leftover beef and bean burrito from Nacho's in the fridge. And I ate it. And it was delicious. But it blew my whole day. I just saw that Niesa and Anbo both posted recently and it was about the emotional aspect of overeating. I really want to rededicate myself to the He Did Deliver Me From Bondage program. Will somebody (or many somebodies) do it with me? Kyla? Niesa? Anbo? Anyone. Anyone. Bueller. All silliness aside, I just found my weight loss tracking journal from when I lost 80 lbs. and I realize I was changing a lot of things in my life and it made me feel positive about weight loss. I've changed all the big things: I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, get tattoos/piercings. I go to church, I've been to the temple, I do my callings. Now all the little insidious things that were covered before I changed are starting to come out. I'm really struggling and I know that as long as these things have not been resolved I will never find a lasting weight loss strategy. Changing the small things that don't have as big an impact as the really bad things is a lot harder. I'm going to need help and support and someone (or someones) to be responsible to. Is anyone with me?

I haven't posted for a while

So, as the title of this installment states, it has been many moons since my last post. I finally have broken down and am choosing something that I CAN'T live with for the rest of my life. And frankly I don't care as long as it means I can start losing weight. My friend's wedding is this Saturday, and I'm the heaviest I've ever been. I am eating 3 cheesesticks, fruit and 1/4 c. of nuts a day. That's it. At least until the wedding. Then I may consider changing it around.

Progress Report

So, I actually started on Saturday. I feel a lot better after I eat. I've been pretty regular, which has not happened without supplements since I became pregnant over 2 years ago. I am more careful about what I eat at dinnertime because I know I've done well up to that point. Also, when you eat that healthy for your first two meals, you feel really heavy and gross if you eat a super fatty dinner. Things I struggle with: I get really bad sugar cravings around 2 o'clock and end up eating a pound of fruits, vegetables, and nuts to avoid eating sugar. But I guess it's still better than eating cookies! This is Day 4 and so far, so good. I'll report back on my weight loss when I weigh myself at my parents' on Sunday.

Simple til Six

Well, I know that no one reads my blog any longer, but I want to document my progress and be accountable to someone, even if it is just random browsers on Blogspot. I read an article in Reader's Digest called Simple til Six in which a man told about his homemade diet plan. He ate only plant based and healthy foods until dinner time. At dinner he could eat whatever kind of meal he wanted. This is my ideal food plan. I can stay on my diet for two meals a day. In the evening is when I have a hard time. If I can eat whatever I want in the evening, I can make it! I start on Sunday, so we will see. Oh, the guy also said that once he'd been eating vegan twice a day for a while, he started wanting to eat better for his dinner meal, too. I hope that once I see how much better I feel and/or lose a few pounds it will motivate me to stick with it.